Am I the only mom who tells her children that she's "done" with them in the morning, that they know when their ride leaves and she hopes they're on it with all their stuff finished because she was tired of pushing and pulling and nagging the entire morning?
Am I the only mom who struggles to find the "best" things about her child?
Am I the only mom who feels that "each child has unique abilities and talents and shines in their own way" just might be a load of crap?
Am I the only mom who prays to see her child as God sees them because she knows that He didn't make a mistake, but some most days it seems like it?
Am I the only mom who makes nachos for dinner and sits her kids down in the living room to watch "The Voice" because she's just too darn tired to engage?
Am I the only mom who wonders what it would feel like to be completely and overwhelmingly proud of their child for something...anything...because mostly they just aren't?
Am I the only mom who has now cried in the principal's office AND at a parent/teacher conference?
Am I the only mom whose prayers for her children come from a place so deep she didn't even know it existed only to feel as if they've fallen on deaf ears...again?
Am I the only mom who wonders if it wouldn't be better for the unthinkable to happen to her so that her children could put this stubborn perseverance they've been "gifted" with to good use?
Am I the only mom who feels like she doesn't have whatever it is that makes other moms so drunk with love for being a mom that she wonders if there is something secretly wrong with her?
Because it certainly feels like I'm the only one...
11 comments:
Oh Jordan. Thank you for your honesty. I don't have children and cannot begin to fathom the tremendous task of raising them, but I know several women who are struggling in very similar ways. You are not alone. I do feel like I could write a similar post titled "Am I the Only Wife..." It seems so much harder for me than all my friends. I'll be praying for you and your family.
No, no, no, etc. I promise you're not. I promise! I love my children (don't always like) but have many, many days that I totally stink at being a mom. And many, many days that I'm so frustrated with my kids I can barely stand it. I don't understand it all, and honestly not sure if at the time it would make me feel any better, but I have to find some way to believe it will pay off.
The identity of motherhood is held at an unreasonably high standard. And in the darkest, hardest moments when I feel I don't measure up, I have to remind myself that my purpose here on Earth is actually about more than being a mom.
Hang in there!
Nope! Yesterday, was one of those days where I had to force my happiness. I even thought about buying ST. Johns worts to help me be happier(and probably will when I make it to the grocery store again). I want to have more kiddos but feel like I can't because I struggle with just two.
Thanks for being raw. Motherhood is nothing like I envisioned. I hope this weekend has lots off shiny points to out way those hard moments.
Hugs!
Jordan, this sounds like how "our" mother felt at times. I can remember her exact words, I thought, something about beating my head against the wall....
an anonymous "Aunt"
Jordan, Just makes me good to know I was "normal" then when mine were growing up! I remember some of these very same feelings.....and they turned out good.....they turned out great! You are a wonderful mother and you are doing a great job! Remember it isn't always easy, but it's always worth it!
Thank you SO much for posting this! I feel this way almost every single day & in particular, about one of my children more than the others (& it's embarrassing to admit. Both that I feel this way & that I have some children I like more than others. What kind of "good" mother says that???) And I have cried in multiple principal's offices, parent teacher conferences, ARD meetings . . .
Anyway, I don't even really know you but I feel like we could be really good friends! And I have a 12 yr old boy that I swear is Eli's identical twin!
I'm sure you are doing a fantastic job, even though it doesn't always seem like it.
Nope, not the only one. MANY of these points resonated with me. I so appreciate the honesty in this post!
i think those drunk with love moms are only in the movies. I am a grandma and I remember feeling exactly as you. My friends and I would commiserate with each other more days than not. Now my daughter is dealing with the same thing. Being a parent is a hard, mostly thankless, job. One day your little darlings will be grown with children of their own and you will realize all of you survived. You will smile and nod as Phoebe and Eli (or more likely Eli's wife) vent their frustrations to you. And you know what? You will be (somewhat) sad that those days are over for you.
I've read your blog for a long time, Jordan. I can tell you are a good, loving mom. Don't be so hard on yourself--we all struggle.
L.
I just found your blog again. It's been a long time. I was searching for the Caramel Apple Nacho Recipe and found it! You are not the only one to feel this way. Mothering is the hardest job!
I just found your blog again. It's been a long time. I was searching for the Caramel Apple Nacho Recipe and found it! You are not the only one to feel this way. Mothering is the hardest job!
Ouch! Jordan, you need some serious help. You have two adorable kids. I don't even know them and it's easy to see some great things in them.
Stop judging them-like some mean girl. You are their mom, the one person who should always see the good in her kids.
I hope hen they grow up they don't judge your mothering as harshly as you've judged them!
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