An Inconvenient Birthday

When Phoebe was born, exactly one year ago today, I tried so hard to have her on my sister's birthday (which was yesterday) or mine (which is next Wednesday), but in that funny way that all babies have, she decided to make her appearance when she was ready...not one minute before or after! I thought at the time it was cool to have her birthday kind of wedged between mine and Carrie's, but right this second it's a little inconvenient. Not that I don't want her to have a birthday or her own special day or whatever, but my blog is suffering! I had intended to write a very special "Happy Birthday Phoebe" post late last night or early this morning. It was going to include pictures of her birth and of her now...really a lovely, "make you cry" post. Well, you can see how well that turned out. I can't find her newborn pics. When our computer crashed this summer most of ours were lost and so my sister and mom downloaded the ones they took onto some CD's. I'm not sure where they are off the top of my head. More than likely they are in the cram-it-all-in-there-because-it-closes-and-the-Huddle-kids-will-be-here-in-five-minutes computer armoir in our bedroom, but I haven't had the time to look. Then, the only picture I have taken of her in the last few days was this morning while she was wolfing down waffles. "Why did you not write her special blog yesterday and just save it until today to post?" you might be wondering. Here is why: We took Phoebe to her pediatric cardiologist appointment yesterday. We spent our entire morning there waiting and doing EKGs and chest x-rays and meeting with the doctor. Phoebe DID NOT like her EKG and chest x-ray. For the EKG, I had to hold her arms and legs and head still for a minute! She was less than thrilled. Then for the chest x-ray, the nurse had to completely restrain her which is standard practice for a x-ray on a baby that little. I realize that it didn't hurt her, but it made her hopping mad. I had to stand at the door (because of the radiation) and watch while they trussed her up like a rotisserie chicken (literally) and then flip her all around to get the right scans. Not a great experience for either of us. We were supposed to have a echocardiogram later that afternoon at the hospital. So I met my friend who was keeping Eli for lunch at McDonald's and then headed over there. More waiting. When we finally went for the echocardiogram, Phoebe was having none of it. It's only a sonogram, but she screamed like they were cutting off her foot. When you scream like that, it messes up the "echo" in an "echocardiogram." Needless to say, we didn't get the test done and had to reschedule. I'm a little frustrated because I don't think she is going to do any better another time. She doesn't like people to mess with her...diaper changes, nose wipes, clothes changes, whatever. I don't know if they will sedate her or what, but I am not looking forward to it. The doctor did say that everything he did hear and see was what he expected. Her heart is a little big, but due to the hole, that's expected. She didn't have any pneumonia (he didn't think he would see any), her heart rhythm hasn't changed any, and the blood vessels around her heart are not inflamed. So mostly good...you know, expect for the hole part. In the long term, they are looking at doing surgery to repair it when she is between two and three years of age. It all depends on what changes the hole has made, how big her heart is, how big she is...yada, yada, yada. The surgery will be done either at Cook's Children's in Fort Worth or Children's in Dallas and the timing would all depend on the surgeons there. Developmentally, she'll be fine. He did say that it is not uncommon for babies with these heart conditions tend to have less energy than normal babies. So that's why she is so lazy! After they do the surgery, she'll probably have a lot more and he joked that parents sometimes ask the doctor to reverse it! :) Down the line, she'll probably be more like Eli and then you should all pray for my sanity. It was after 4:30 when we finally made it home and then I needed to get ready for Huddles. Then after Huddles I was tired, then this morning was a mad house...so, no special "Happy Birthday" blog for Phoebe. I'll wait until tomorrow when we have pictures of her eating her very own special birthday cake. The one I need to go bake. The one I am putting off baking because my kitchen is clean and I am completely unable to cook without making a monstrous mess. Oh well, we have to eat again sometime...might as well be cake!

Top Ten Reasons I Love My Sister

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CARRIE!!

In honor of my sister's 24th birthday, I have compiled the top ten reasons why we love Carrie

10). She is always up for dessert!

9). She is very, very funny...and extremely sarcastic. I love to be around her because she finds humor in all situations

8). Let's face it...she's beautiful.

7). She is really great with children. She teaches third grade and is sooo good at it. The children in her class are blessed by every moment she spends with them teaching and loving on them.

6). She buys really trendy, young clothes and cleans out her closet all the time! Then, she lets her sister and sister-in-law (who are slightly less young and trendy) have all her hand-me-downs.

5). In a family of clutter-bugs, she's a neat-freak organizer. If you need something gone-through, sorted, and thrown away, Carrie is your girl. (We all think she is a little crazy.)

4). The girl can tell it like it is. If you only want to hear what you want to hear, Carrie is not your girl...she is going to tell you THE TRUTH!

3). She absolutely loves my children and it makes her an awesome aunt!

2). She is loyal to a fault. All her friends and family know that we can count on her for anything, anytime. Of course, you may hear all about her opinions on what she thinks of the situation, but she will be there!

1) She's ours. God put her our family and our lives because He knew we needed her. We are all blessed by her humor, her kindness, her generosity, and her fun-loving spirit.

Carrie, I hope your birthday is a great one. We wish we could be there to help you celebrate. We love you.

On Pins and Needles

I let Eli do something this afternoon that I have never allowed him to do before. He rode his scooter on the sidewalk while I stayed inside!! It may not seem like a big deal to you, but we live on the corner of a pretty busy street that also has a city bus stop. He can't really ride in our backyard because we have a backyard the size of a closet and he REALLY wanted to ride his scooter. The wind was also blowing ninety to nothing and cold as a sister's kiss and I did not want to sit outside while he rode the scooter. My insides were all knotted up the entire time he was out there. Although they shouldn't have been...I stood at our big window in the playroom and watched him the whole time! I felt kind of silly and unproductive, but I know I was only standing vigil as mom's throughout time have done. If only we could protect our children from all that we imagine just by watching. Instead we watch them fail and hurt and learn...being a mom is so hard. Which leads to me the other reason I spent my day on pins and needles. Our friends, Casey and Kristen Cooper, are probably going to have their babies tomorrow! They spent the entire day hearing they were going to the C-section and then they weren't and then they were and then they weren't. It was an emotional roller-coaster, but they did hear that the babies' lungs were developed and they will probably have the C-section tomorrow. I am so excited for them and they have waited so long to be a mommy and daddy! Please pray that the babies are healthy and safe and spend no time at all in the NICU.

In other news, Phoebe got two new teeth today. She just broke two others through last Monday! That's four teeth in a week!! Eli was much slower getting teeth and only had a few at a year. Phoebe has seven now...which is a good thing because the girl loves to eat. Unfortunately, she won't eat any fruit or vegetables (except carrots). Any suggestions on getting her to eat fruit and veggies (other than endless reintroduction which I plan on doing) would be greatly appreciated. She seems to be a bread girl. I have no idea where she got that from! :)

Mashed Potatoes

"I'm learning how to use this spoon. I love to play with it, but I'm not very good at getting the food on the spoon. That's where Mom comes in. She makes really good mashed potatoes and puts them on the spoon for me...mashed potatoes are good and sticky!"

"See, I'm getting pretty good at it. Mom, these mashed potatoes are really yummy."



"I mean, really, really, yummy!"

"I might need some more, Mom."



"To fully enjoy these mashed potatoes, you need to smear them in your hair and push them up your nose.I also like using Mom's fork."



"Mom, I really wasn't finished with my mashed potatoes. I guess I'll just have to eat yours."



"It's February, Mom. You really need to put your Christmas dishes away. These are still good mashed potatoes...even when they are cold."

Life Lessons

Eli learned an important life lesson this afternoon. When pretending to be an "army man" it is not a good idea to do a front flip off the bed when there is nothing on the floor to catch you. I was in the living room and he was playing in his bedroom this afternoon when I heard him start to scream. I rushed in there and he is lying on his back at the foot of his bed, crying. I asked him what was wrong and he told me, "I was doing a back flip off the bed and I landed on my back! It really hurts!" He told me later that he wasn't going to do any more flips off his bed...I'm not going to hold my breath. He recuperated with a little Gatorade and The Backyardigans. I'm sure he's fine, but he'll be sore tomorrow!

In other news, I am doing much better. The last two days have been 2 Advil days, and that is pretty normal around here. (By the way, Advil Liquigels are a wonderful invention!) My house is still a wreck, but I did finish those two pressing projects I needed to get finished. I don't feel quite as overwhelmed now, either.

Our friends, Casey and Kristen Cooper, really need your prayers right now. They are expecting twins and she has been put in the hospital on bedrest due to some contractions and bleeding. Please pray that the babies will hold off their big arrival for about another week (even though we are all dying to meet them) and that when they do come, they are healthy and safe!

A Little Overwhelmed

It's been a few days since I blogged, and it's been quite a while since I blogged about what was really going on with our family. For the most part, we are doing okay. My children don't get sick so we have missed most of that excitement that other families seem to be experiencing in abundance this winter. I mean, they really don't get sick. Eli has run a fever only a handful of times and has NEVER had an ear infection. Phoebe is "snotty" most of the time due to allergies, but she's only had one virus and one ear infection. It's a strange little blessing that I don't quite understand. Sometimes I think we are being spared because of all my stuff, but in my weaker moments I would sacrifice my children to an ear infection or the flu if it meant my tumors would be gone. However, it's a blessing nonetheless. Brad might trully be overwhelmed if the children did get sick...he feels like a single parent a lot of the time anyway. A mom who doesn't have the energy to do squat is pretty useless to someone who is worn out from his own stressful, busy day at work.

I finally heard from my doctor in Boston. We comforted ourselves with the fact that if something had been really, really concerning, the doctor would have called us way sooner than a month after the scans were done. My tumors haven't grown any, although it looks like they haven't shrunk too much, either. They still don't know what the thing in my lung is, but as long as it doesn't cause any pain or get any bigger, they aren't going to worry about it too much. They want me to stay on the Gleevec at the same doseage for three more months and then do another CT scan in early April. Things are fine. The day we heard from him was actually pretty hard for me emotionally because I didn't want to hear that things were fine, I wanted to hear that they were great. After almost ten months of being on Gleevec, I get a little mired down in what is our life instead of what I think it should be. Some days I feel mostly normal and some days I feel like I'm 80 years old. Most days I take some form of pain killer (either over the counter or prescription) and wonder if I am ruining what is left of my liver just to feel a little normal. Then I realize that I would rather have fewer days feeling good than a lifetime of feeling bad. Maybe that is part of the problem. Being on Gleevec is a long-haul experience. It's not radiation and hard-core chemo and visits with doctors every day with an end in sight. There is no light at the end of my tunnel. It's getting up every day and feeling like half a wife, half a mom, half a friend while the other half is being sucked dry by the little orange pill I take every night. And through all of this, I pretend everything is normal. I do normal things and get frustrated with myself and others when we can't understand that everything is not normal. My skin is so irritated it hurts to smile, I have no reserve energy, my legs swell, I'm anxious, I don't sleep well, I have a headache everyday, I just don't feel right. Yesterday and today are excellent examples. Today is Tuesday and I should be at KU, going on the fire station field trip with my son. Instead, I'm at home, in my pajamas, doped up on hydrocodone because my joints have seized up. It started yesterday and after going to Wal-Mart for groceries, I got them inside and then couldn't put them up because I couldn't bend over with my back clenching and my hips not working. So, I got in bed on the heating pad and never got up. Eli helped me like he should never have to by picking Phoebe up and putting her on my bed, bringing me diapers, getting her bottle, putting her back on the floor, bringing her toys. I shut us all in my room because it was easier to let Phoebe crawl around and play in one room than the whole house and I could keep Eli out of trouble by watching "Pollyanna" and "The Parent Trap" on the Hallmark channel. It probably wouldn't have been such a problem except that my house is trashed. I don't mean a little cluttered like most houses with little children. I mean A WRECK. Mostly because we went to Abilene this weekend and I didn't unpack yesterday like I meant to. Eli has been living out of his suitcase and instead of leaving everything in the suitcase when I tell him to go get something out, he throws it all over the room. (At least, he can follow directions!) Phoebe is no help because she is the "unloadingest" girl I have ever seen! She spends her entire day unloading stuff...my diaper bag, Eli's toy in his baskets, laundry, groceries, her toys in her baskets, suitcases, drawers. Anything that is contained in something else she feels it is her duty to take it out and leave it all over the house. It makes for really big messes that while easy to pick up, make my house look like we have been robbed because it hurts to bend over and pick it up. Unfortuneatly, it makes me feel even more overwhelmed. I get a little crazy when my house is chaos. It literally affects my emotions and makes me depressed when it's like this. I am soooo not a clean freak...in fact, I hate to clean. But, I do like things to be in some semblance of order. (It might have something to do with the fact that I am a closet control freak.) This is on top of all the things I feel like I should be doing. I really, really need to get the invitations to Phoebe's family birthday party out so that people will actually come because they have some advance notice. I am making these invitations, no less. I have a HUGE craft project that I have to get done quickly. (I can't go into details here because it is for someone that reads this blog, and since it is a gift I HAVE to get it done. This person deserves it even if I feel cruddy...there is no excuse!) My Christmas dishes really need to get put up. Brad tells me they are really winter dishes since they are red with white snowflakes, but I still feel like they should be put away. Then there are all the other things like dishes and laundry and feeding my children that have to be done, as well. Brad picks up the slack the best he can and gets the important things done like dinner and baths and books and hugs while I lie on a heating pad feeling guilty and worrying about all the unimportant things like clean houses and birthday invitations. I know that I have people here who would come over in a heartbeat and help. They would clean my house and run my errands and fold my laundry and take care of my children, but I won't let them. It's not because I'm too proud to ask for help (although I probably am), but because I honestly feel if I could just let go of what I expect of myself and the things I think I have to get done, then I wouldn't feel so horrible about not getting it done. Secretly, I have always looked down on the stay-at-home mom who couldn't get it "all" done...who couldn't volunteer in the Children's Ministry, and cook dinner for her family every night, and keep up with her laundry, and take dinner to all her sick friends, and plan really great birthday parties for her children, and go to playgroup, and make her husband feel loved and appreciated, and be a vital member of a Bible study, and on and on and on. I always considered them "flaky" or "not really trying hard enough." Maybe that is really my problem. Maybe I fear becoming the person of whom I have always been judgemental. By the way, that was a really deep thought and not where I had intended this blog to go! I really did just want you to know that our little family is fine and I am just feeling a little overwhelmed...just a brief explanation to all my friends about why they haven't seen or heard from me in a few days. I guess you all got more than you expected and I didn't really keep it brief, either. Way to go for making it all the way to end of this VERY LONG blog. Thanks.

Happy!

Valentine's!

Day!

(I sooo meant to get this out yesterday so that you could all think I was really on top of it and enjoy it all day long, but I had a very "Gleevec" night and it didn't happen. Oops.)

For Sale: One Sweet Baby

At dinner tonight, I was lamenting the fact that Phoebe is rapidly outgrowing her Bumbo. She can take the tray off and almost climb out of it...probably all those reasons why Bumbo was sued in the first place and they were all taken off the shelves at Wal-Mart and Target. I was telling Brad that we were probably going to have to bring Eli's old highchair in from the garage and I just didn't know where we were going to put it since there really isn't room for it in the kitchen. Eli piped up and said, "Well, I guess we are just going to have to sell the baby." Not really what I had in mind, but it would solve the space problem.

Young Love And A Few Pictures

Eli was walking through the kitchen yesterday on his way to the dining room to play hockey. (I'll have to post some pictures of this someday because it is quite a set-up...wood floors are a little boy's dream!) He said (not intending to be silly or funny, just informative) "Mom, I love you more than a goat with a hat on." Thanks. That's good to know.

These are just some pictures I've taken recently. Not really anything special, but I know how the grandparents are about pictures.

It really is this cold in Amarillo. Sometimes we have to wear our toboggins inside because it's the only way we could survive the Frozen Arctic that is the Texas Panhandle.

Me and Phoebolicious. (That's what we call her around here.)



It's not my fault is anything is misspelled. My spell check is having some difficulty and I couldn't get it to work. Sorry, Mom. (She's a librarian...that should explain everything.)

Skiing

Brad here.

Well, Jordan has blessed me with the opportunity to be heard from (this doesn't happen very often.... e.g.the blog post last weekend about my trip with Eli to the Canyon). Anyhow, probably the only reason why is that I hope to share some funny video I took from my phone of Eli skiing this past Saturday and she hasn't quite figured out how to successfully post videos. Anyhow, with this explanation behind us....on to the reason for the post.

Yes, I took Eli skiing this past weekend. All you faithful readers (who apparently have nothing better to do than "faithfully" read our blog) you will remember that right after Christmas I took Eli skiing for the first time ever at Taos. You may also remember that after only about an hour on the bunny slope Eli offically reached the internal tempature of a pop sickle and we called it a day early (by 11:30 a.m.). Well.....based on this very short outing not more than 30 days ago I didn't have very high hopes for my little Eli. Yet, I have to say he surprised me and showed tremendous ability and stamina. The two experiences were like night and day.

I credit the difference to two things: 1) the beautiful 45 degree weather in Ruidoso this past weekend as compared to the sigle digits at Taos; and 2) this amazing harnass thing called a "lucky bums" that is nothing more than a ski leash for a child. You will see what I am talking about in the video. By the end of the day Eli had progressed from the bunny slope to the top of the mountain!!!!! Additionally, he lasted from 9:30 a.m. until 4:00 when the mountain closed. I was so proud of my little ski demon! Anyhow, enough about the description. Now enjoy the two videos. These were taken on back-to-back runs in the same area of the mountain so althought they appear to be the same video, you will see that they have two different outcomes.