Starbuck's and Scans

I got to bed really, really late last night...like, 11:45!

Please stop laughing. It was pretty late for me...I'm usually in bed around 9:30 or so and asleep by the local news (or the local news puts me to sleep...there's a lot of weather coverage around here). What's even better is what I was doing until 11:45pm. It's not what you're thinking and get your mind out of the gutter. I was at Starbuck's with a group of gals from my Sunday School Class. Wild and crazy, right? Anyway, we decided to have a Girls Night Out so we went to Starbuck's around 8:00ish and just hung out and drank coffee and talked. I know it's a stretch to imagine seven women just talking for four hours, but we did. We covered all important subjects like who was taking what aerobics class, what children were having their tonsils removed, Brazilian waxes (no one was getting one, but one of the gals does hair so she was filling us in on how they are done and why she does not perform them herself...a very wise decision we all agreed), and what brand of at-home tanner was the best. Then there were the really important conversations about one gal's brother who is very, very sick and her feelings about that, how the death of a sibling affects all the other family members, why some people can be more positive about life than others, and so much more. I soaked up every moment of it. This past year has been really hard on my friendships. So many times I feel lonely and isolated by all this cancer stuff. I feel like the world thinks things are fine and I am doing well when most often I still feel like I'm drowning in a sea of anxiety and pain and anger. I can only put my "normal" face for so long and then I just want to climb in bed and pull the covers up over my head. It's hurt my friendships. It's hurt my marriage. It's hurt my children. But I don't quite know how to "make it better." I think I've forgotten how to be normal. Then again, who really knows what "normal" is anyway. I long for really intimate, spiritual friendships with other women, but I don't have the energy or the time or the courage to be vulnerable enough to cultivate them. It was lighthearted and fun and helped me reconnect (even if just a little bit) with some of the women who share a season and a time with me.

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On another thought, I have a PET scan today and a CT scan tomorrow. It's already been three months (and two weeks) since my last one...time flies whether you're having fun or not, I guess. The PET scan is not so bad except that I couldn't eat any carbs or sugar after it was scheduled yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately, the nurse called just after Eli and I had finished making Rice Krispy Treats. It was exceptionally disappointing. I guess I'll just have to eat them today after my test. Surely this is an excuse to eat the entire pan, right? I can't eat after 9am this morning, but I can drink all the water I want. Yeah. So I loaded up on eggs and bacon for breakfast and we'll just have to wait and see how cranky I am by 3ish when the test will be finished. The CT scan is tomorrow at 8:00am. That's not so bad except for the nasty, nasty barium they give you to drink. I'll be NPO after midnight tonight, but the scan should be finished by 9:30 so we'll just go get a big brunch after that. Then it will be waiting for the results and then hounding the doctors for their input and getting depressed when they say there's no change. It's just so much fun. I will try to be better at posting what the doctors say about this round of tests. They said everything was "fine" last time and I just wanted it all to be "great" so it was disappointing. I will be filling my time today before the PET with lots of ironing (why, oh why, do all little girl clothes have to be ironed?!) and then "pruning" my closet. I keep it mostly clean, but it just needs a little pruning to get it ready for the BIG DAY. It's going to be a fun-filled few days, to be sure.