I really, really, really do mean to post something about the wonderfulness of “Conspire” (the children’s ministry conference I attended in Chicago), but every time I sit down to write out what I have swimming around in my head, something comes up. Like a two hour phone conversation with a friend (thank you, sweet friend!) where we just poured out everything that was going on with us. Dontcha just love those friendships? Anyway, it put a damper on my post and I want it to so perfect when I finally post it…it’s that whole frustrated perfectionist thing. But I will finish it and you will be inspired…someday.
In the meantime, there are other thoughts swimming around in my head that seem more pressing right now. I am reading this book by Henri J. M. Nouwen called “Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World.” I picked it up in Chicago because I had heard from my dad that he was a good read and I was looking for something. I can already tell that I’m going to have to read it over because it is packed with “stuff.” Deep “stuff’ that I am not fully grasping on this first read. Luckily, it’s not a very long book. The whole idea of the book is that we, as Christians, are not living out our lives as the beloved of Christ and how that affects all that we are. When I first started reading it, I was thinking, “Great. What have I picked up? Not another book on how God wants to give us everything we want…blah, blah, blah.” But it’s another book entirely. I won’t go into all of it, but in one chapter, he talks about how we are all broken. That being broken is innate to being human and no one can escape this brokenness as no one can escape death. Then he goes on to write that we have to press into our brokenness to emerge on the other side. That we have to view our brokenness through the lens of blessedness and that it is this brokenness that allows us to be open to full acceptance of Christ. What?! I have felt pain. I have seen pain in those that I love and there is absolutely no way that I want to get closer to that. No way that I want to delve into that and “process” all that brokenness. The verse that calls us to “be joyful in affliction” is one of the hardest verses for me to accept. Seriously, why can’t we just be miserable in our affliction? It’s so much easier. But, as with all good truths, this thought about brokenness has lead me to reexamine my biggest “brokenness” these days. (Oh yes, I have more than one “brokenness.”) I believe that all sin stems from our lack of trust in God. We don’t trust him to take care of us the way we think He should. We think we can do a better job. We “know” this is not true, but there is a great distance between what I know and what I believe way down deep. This all leads to my big THING right now. I have a friend who believes with all her heart and knows with all her head that where she wants to be is where God wants her. She is truly convicted of this. That sounds like a no-brainer, right? Well, it’s not for me. I am so stubborn and scared and selfish that all I can see is that where God wants me is NEVER where I would choose to be. Take Amarillo, for example. I “know” there is a reason we are here in this city and he has put us here for “such a time as this.” But, really, Amarillo? On a good day, I can laugh at the fact that I was sitting at stoplight the other day at a major intersection, and there were about 20 kids on horseback waiting opposite me for the light to change. On a bad day, I mourn the fact that I am so far from my parents, that my children are not blessed by them daily, that I miss out on all the little family things…Mother’s Day get-togethers, family birthdays, etc. On a bad day, all I feel is the constant wind and all I know is I don’t fit in here. And yet, I know that it is God’s Will that I am here in this place. I have prayed so often lately for God’s Will to be done in my life and I’ve actually meant it, but when something happens that is contrary to what I wanted to happen, then I realize that maybe I didn’t mean it. It’s very confusing because when I prayed it, I meant it. I followed through on what I thought He wanted me to do. I was excited about where it would take me and my family, but now that doors are closing and others are opening, I am less excited about where that door leads. I’m hurt by the closing door, and to be honest, I’m not sure I even want to have anything to do with the new door at all. Even more distressing is the fact that this says nothing about who God is, but who I am instead. I am not strong, or selfless, or joyful, or patient. I am weak and selfish and bitter and scared. The more I discover the character of Christ, the more I discover how exceptionally short I fall. Will there actually ever come a time when what I want resembles what God wants for me? My wise friend, the one who actually wants what God has in store for her, reminds to keep pressing into Christ and to spend more time in the Word and in silence. She’s right and I know it, but what I really want to do is climb into bed and wake up again in two months when maybe all of this will be resolved. It seems especially appealing on a day that is 50 degrees in May. Again…Amarillo?!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Yet Another Reason I Will Not Be "Mother Of The Year"
Today at KU, Eli pulled his sandwich out of his lunchbox and said, "Oh cool! Blue bread!"
Thank you, Ms. Teresa, for pulling the mold off of my son's sandwich and then letting him eat the rest. The boy has got to eat! I guess it's time to throw out that loaf of bread.
Thank you, Ms. Teresa, for pulling the mold off of my son's sandwich and then letting him eat the rest. The boy has got to eat! I guess it's time to throw out that loaf of bread.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Earning My Mother's Day
Why is that children only start throwing up in the middle of the night?
Warning: Graphic throw-up stories ahead.
Phoebe started throwing up Friday night around 11:30pm. It was disgusting. I had taken two pain killers because my back was hurting and I didn't want to lie awake waiting and wondering if one was going to work so I just took two. Not an hour later, Phoebe started crying. I mean really crying. When we went to check on her, she had thrown up everywhere. I mean change-the-sheets-wash-the-bumper-give-the-gal-a-bath everywhere. It was disgusting. I'm not so great with throw-up and being dizzy from the pain killers didn't make it any better. I'll have to admit, it made me gag...while Brad was dealing with Phoebe and her sheets. What a great guy! It just happened the once and then I was back in the action. She continued to throw up until 3am. Around 1am it there was nothing left to throw up so she just dry heaved. I know it's miserable for her, but it certainly makes clean-up easier! She woke up Saturday morning feeling chipper. Her appetite was a little off, but you would never have known the girl was sick. Thank Heavens, she's better now.
We had a nice Sunday. A little breakfast (which I cooked), church, lunch at Calico County (seriously, they have THE BEST pot roast on the planet), a little nap, a yummy roast chicken for dinner (which I also cooked, but I really enjoy it)...oh, and a great necklace from my hubby and children. Did I take any pictures of my precious babies or me wearing my new necklace? Nope. You'll just have to use your imagination.
Then there was Sunday night. Eli came in around midnight covered in throw-up. I mean in his hair, down his shirt, absolutely everywhere. I think he might have been asleep when he threw up. I've always found this phenomenon fascinating. My brother used to throw-up in his sleep and not wake up. I have no idea how he did this, but my mom says he did and it was gross. Again, we had to strip the sheets, give Eli a bath, throw Ruffie and Blanket in the wash, and put Eli on a pallet in our bedroom. We wouldn't want him to be too far from the bathroom...you know how that works out for us. :) He only threw up three time, thank goodness, and made it to the toilet both times. He's felt fine today and I've spent most of day trying to get him to take it easy. It's harder than you might think.
Then there was Brad. He started throwing up around 2am and has yet to quit. At the moment, he is lying on the bedroom floor (he says it feels better than the bed) in complete misery. We are waiting on a prescription to help out with the nausea, but at the moment things are pretty bleak. I think he thinks he's dying. I'm really hoping it's a 24 hour bug.
I have definitely been earning my Mother's Day today.
Warning: Graphic throw-up stories ahead.
Phoebe started throwing up Friday night around 11:30pm. It was disgusting. I had taken two pain killers because my back was hurting and I didn't want to lie awake waiting and wondering if one was going to work so I just took two. Not an hour later, Phoebe started crying. I mean really crying. When we went to check on her, she had thrown up everywhere. I mean change-the-sheets-wash-the-bumper-give-the-gal-a-bath everywhere. It was disgusting. I'm not so great with throw-up and being dizzy from the pain killers didn't make it any better. I'll have to admit, it made me gag...while Brad was dealing with Phoebe and her sheets. What a great guy! It just happened the once and then I was back in the action. She continued to throw up until 3am. Around 1am it there was nothing left to throw up so she just dry heaved. I know it's miserable for her, but it certainly makes clean-up easier! She woke up Saturday morning feeling chipper. Her appetite was a little off, but you would never have known the girl was sick. Thank Heavens, she's better now.
We had a nice Sunday. A little breakfast (which I cooked), church, lunch at Calico County (seriously, they have THE BEST pot roast on the planet), a little nap, a yummy roast chicken for dinner (which I also cooked, but I really enjoy it)...oh, and a great necklace from my hubby and children. Did I take any pictures of my precious babies or me wearing my new necklace? Nope. You'll just have to use your imagination.
Then there was Sunday night. Eli came in around midnight covered in throw-up. I mean in his hair, down his shirt, absolutely everywhere. I think he might have been asleep when he threw up. I've always found this phenomenon fascinating. My brother used to throw-up in his sleep and not wake up. I have no idea how he did this, but my mom says he did and it was gross. Again, we had to strip the sheets, give Eli a bath, throw Ruffie and Blanket in the wash, and put Eli on a pallet in our bedroom. We wouldn't want him to be too far from the bathroom...you know how that works out for us. :) He only threw up three time, thank goodness, and made it to the toilet both times. He's felt fine today and I've spent most of day trying to get him to take it easy. It's harder than you might think.
Then there was Brad. He started throwing up around 2am and has yet to quit. At the moment, he is lying on the bedroom floor (he says it feels better than the bed) in complete misery. We are waiting on a prescription to help out with the nausea, but at the moment things are pretty bleak. I think he thinks he's dying. I'm really hoping it's a 24 hour bug.
I have definitely been earning my Mother's Day today.
Friday, May 09, 2008
We Have Walls!
We went out to see the progress on our house yesterday evening. Most of the first floor is framed and Eli's room and the bathroom are framed on the second floor. So far, this whole house business hasn't seemed very real to me...now, it really seems real! We were able to walk around all the rooms (and through some walls, which Eli found very cool) and it finally felt like this thing was actually going to happen. I had been out there last week to see the guest room framed, but it's completely different when it's most of the house! I was blown away by my excitement...and the wind. Seriously, the wind is ALWAYS blowing out there...I'm a little surprised the houses on that prairie haven't just blown away.
This is Phoebe posing in the wall between the guest bath and the guest closet. She was having a ball walking around out there, but the wind literally almost blew that poor girl away. Twenty and a half pounds is nothing to a West Texas wind!
I'm not particularly sure why Eli has his bike helmet on...maybe he was afraid of falling debris. He is also standing between the wall of the guest closet and bedroom.
Eli took this picture of Brad and I in front of the "fireplace." He looked through the camera and said, "Say, New House!" It's a pretty bad picture of the two of us, but did prove that I was really there. I have no idea what those yellow things are in my hand. Eli made a "collection" of them for the framing crew. I'm sure they were appreciated.
Eli's room.
This is Brad climbing up to the second story. They have not framed the stairs, yet, and they took their ladders with them so the only way to get up there was to climb. I was certain that these might be the last pictures of Brad, but he made it and in the next picture he is standing in the upstairs bathroom.
Hopefully, they will frame the stairs today and then I can go into the second story as well this weekend!
This is Phoebe posing in the wall between the guest bath and the guest closet. She was having a ball walking around out there, but the wind literally almost blew that poor girl away. Twenty and a half pounds is nothing to a West Texas wind!
I'm not particularly sure why Eli has his bike helmet on...maybe he was afraid of falling debris. He is also standing between the wall of the guest closet and bedroom.
Eli took this picture of Brad and I in front of the "fireplace." He looked through the camera and said, "Say, New House!" It's a pretty bad picture of the two of us, but did prove that I was really there. I have no idea what those yellow things are in my hand. Eli made a "collection" of them for the framing crew. I'm sure they were appreciated.
Eli's room.
This is Brad climbing up to the second story. They have not framed the stairs, yet, and they took their ladders with them so the only way to get up there was to climb. I was certain that these might be the last pictures of Brad, but he made it and in the next picture he is standing in the upstairs bathroom.
Hopefully, they will frame the stairs today and then I can go into the second story as well this weekend!
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
My Kind of Day
It's been rainy and overcast all day long. We woke up to big thunderstorms this morning (which made my early morning run to Wal-Mart really fun) so it was pretty muddy outside. Eli was getting a bit antsy being inside all day, so I constructed a little fort in the living room. It was one of my better-mom-moments. He loves it! And what did Eli spend his time doing in his little fort? He was READING! Well, he was at least looking at books which is pretty close to reading. There's a boy after my own heart. There is no better way to spend a rainy day than hunkered down with a book...or a snowy day...or a sunny day...
Notice his ingenious use of the headlamp. It was a little dark in the fort. His great-grandfather would be proud! (He was an optometrist for years and was forever telling us to turn on a light when we read!)
Phoebe is not in any of these pictures because she did not like to sit in the fort. She preferred to pull all the sheets down so we went to another room and unloaded all the clean laundry out of laundry baskets so Eli could read in peace.
Notice his ingenious use of the headlamp. It was a little dark in the fort. His great-grandfather would be proud! (He was an optometrist for years and was forever telling us to turn on a light when we read!)
Phoebe is not in any of these pictures because she did not like to sit in the fort. She preferred to pull all the sheets down so we went to another room and unloaded all the clean laundry out of laundry baskets so Eli could read in peace.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
I'm Back...Again
I've been lax on my blogging again...but it's Brad's fault! I had planned on blogging while we were in Phoenix at a conference for Brad, but his laptop would not connect to the Internet so I just had to find other ways to spend my time. It was hard, but I managed to fill up all those hours over our long weekend with some shopping, some napping, some sitting by the pool, some eating really good food, and some enjoying the freakishly wonderful weather they have there in Phoenix. I am one of those rare people who find 91 degrees absolutely perfect! We're back now and I am spending my time finding ways to avoid unpacking. So far, I'm doing pretty well. I think part of the reason I'm being lazy (and let's be honest...that's all it is) is because I felt like I just got back from Chicago! I'm still working on a post from that trip, hopefully by the end of the week.
By the way, I think I should admit that I am a frustrated perfectionist. I am so caught up in the "right way" to do something that I tend to put it off because I know what a HUGE job it's going to be to get the way I know it can be. It applies to all areas of my life (blogging included). My bags are not unpacked because I know that I want to put everything exactly where it goes and get the laundry started so I just go to lunch with a friend instead because it's so much easier. I want to do such a great job on my blog post about my conference that I play Candy Land with Eli instead of just sitting down and writing it. I have another post brewing on where I am in listening to God that I really want to post, but again, it's so much easier to sit by the pool in Phoenix than get to it. I really need to go to Wal-Mart, but the list is getting so long that I am dreading going. That's why we are going to have pancakes for dinner. Sorry, Brad. He the only person I know that doesn't like breakfast for dinner. I've decided that there might really be something wrong with him because he doesn't think breakfast for dinner is the ultimate in comfort food. However, there are drawers to be cleaned out (yes, it's plural), playrooms to organize, closets to go through, pictures to scrapbook, emails to write...the list is endless, but probably not going to get any shorter. Sigh. If only I were just a perfectionist. I might be considered a little crazy, but at least I wouldn't have anything hanging over my head.
Also, I'm still wanting to get my blog made over, but I don't know what to call it. I'm sooo not good at stuff like that. PLEASE give me some good ideas. I'm counting on you. The McCalls really need it.
By the way, I think I should admit that I am a frustrated perfectionist. I am so caught up in the "right way" to do something that I tend to put it off because I know what a HUGE job it's going to be to get the way I know it can be. It applies to all areas of my life (blogging included). My bags are not unpacked because I know that I want to put everything exactly where it goes and get the laundry started so I just go to lunch with a friend instead because it's so much easier. I want to do such a great job on my blog post about my conference that I play Candy Land with Eli instead of just sitting down and writing it. I have another post brewing on where I am in listening to God that I really want to post, but again, it's so much easier to sit by the pool in Phoenix than get to it. I really need to go to Wal-Mart, but the list is getting so long that I am dreading going. That's why we are going to have pancakes for dinner. Sorry, Brad. He the only person I know that doesn't like breakfast for dinner. I've decided that there might really be something wrong with him because he doesn't think breakfast for dinner is the ultimate in comfort food. However, there are drawers to be cleaned out (yes, it's plural), playrooms to organize, closets to go through, pictures to scrapbook, emails to write...the list is endless, but probably not going to get any shorter. Sigh. If only I were just a perfectionist. I might be considered a little crazy, but at least I wouldn't have anything hanging over my head.
Also, I'm still wanting to get my blog made over, but I don't know what to call it. I'm sooo not good at stuff like that. PLEASE give me some good ideas. I'm counting on you. The McCalls really need it.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Then and Now
Then:
This is the video I took a few weeks ago to document Phoebe's "cripple crawl." Apparently, I was using my "screaming banshee" voice to coax her across the floor. Unfortunately, I think this is probably how I really sound and not the deeper, sophisticated voice I hear in my head. She started crawling this way soon after she had learned to crawl, but she only used it on our hard floors. Then this became her preferred mode of transportation...well, after being carried, of course.
And Now:
I took this video yesterday morning, and it's amazing how much better she is walking today! I forgot how fast it happened. I'll post another in a few more days so you can see the difference. Today, she was walking across the floor to give me a high-five. Pretty darn cute. Oh, and in this video I was using my "1-900 number voice." My allergies or this cold or whatever it is seems to have settled in my vocal cords. The kids have been having similar symptoms and when I took them to the doc today, Eli was diagnosed with a sinus infection and Phoebe has a double ear infection. Some might say I should go to the doctor myself, but I really HATE to go to the doctor so I think I will just ignore them!
This is the video I took a few weeks ago to document Phoebe's "cripple crawl." Apparently, I was using my "screaming banshee" voice to coax her across the floor. Unfortunately, I think this is probably how I really sound and not the deeper, sophisticated voice I hear in my head. She started crawling this way soon after she had learned to crawl, but she only used it on our hard floors. Then this became her preferred mode of transportation...well, after being carried, of course.
And Now:
I took this video yesterday morning, and it's amazing how much better she is walking today! I forgot how fast it happened. I'll post another in a few more days so you can see the difference. Today, she was walking across the floor to give me a high-five. Pretty darn cute. Oh, and in this video I was using my "1-900 number voice." My allergies or this cold or whatever it is seems to have settled in my vocal cords. The kids have been having similar symptoms and when I took them to the doc today, Eli was diagnosed with a sinus infection and Phoebe has a double ear infection. Some might say I should go to the doctor myself, but I really HATE to go to the doctor so I think I will just ignore them!
Monday, April 28, 2008
I Think We've Created A Monster
Okay, so I figured out how to get the pictures from Brad's iphone to the blog...with only minimal help from Brad.
This is Phoebe's new favorite thing.
Allowing her to drink out of a straw and acquire a taste for Diet Cokes with lime was probably not my most shining moment as a mom. Not because of all the bad stuff in Diet Coke, but because now I have to share! She won't let me drink one without asking for (read: demanding) a few sips of her own.
While Phoebe and I were enjoying our refreshments, Eli was helping his dad warm up for the game.
This is Phoebe's new favorite thing.
Allowing her to drink out of a straw and acquire a taste for Diet Cokes with lime was probably not my most shining moment as a mom. Not because of all the bad stuff in Diet Coke, but because now I have to share! She won't let me drink one without asking for (read: demanding) a few sips of her own.
While Phoebe and I were enjoying our refreshments, Eli was helping his dad warm up for the game.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Back From The Windy City
My lack of posting has not been due to laziness on my part. I was in Chicago from Tuesday until yesterday at a Children's Ministry Conference. I went with a group from church and was supposed to fly back into town on Friday night. Due to some weather, I was stuck in Albuquerque with a friend and ended up not arriving until Saturday night around 9:00pm. Luckily, my in-laws live there and we were able to stay there. It was kind of nice, actually, because my parents-in-law took really care of us and we just spent the day doing nothing! Then, the flight to Amarillo on Saturday was an hour delayed. Of course I could have updated my blog yesterday, but that would have interfered with my three-hour nap.
The conference was fabulous. I'm working on a blog post in my head to put all my thoughts in some kind of order and I'll post that as soon as I get it together. It may take me a few days, but I'll be sure to think about it while I'm working on the mound of laundry that I have to do. Thankfully, that does not include any of my children's clothes. My sweet sister-in-law, Paige, who kept the children while I was gone, sent all of their clothes home clean! What a blessing!! Aren't other moms great?! Unfortunately, Brad and I continued to wear clothes so I'm not totally in the clear, but it's not so overwhelming.
It certainly feels great to be home. I was really glad that Phoebe put off her walking until I got home. After that, though, no holes were barred. She started taking multiple steps last night at small group. Of course, she had already taken a step or two, but this was five and six and seven steps in row! Then she started standing up herself and walking. I'm so excited and sad at the same time. It's always exciting to see your child walk for the first time, but I'm already grieving the fact that her "crippled crawl" (she crawls funny...I have a video, but I haven't posted it, yet) is on it's way out. In a week or two, she'll never crawl like that again. One of the girls at small group told Brad last night, "Today she's taking two steps, tomorrow she'll be walking down the aisle." I think that brought Brad up short since he is never one to expend emotional energy on things that you don't have to think about right now. It's both a blessing and curse. But she's right and it makes me tired. At least I can still comfort myself with the fact that Phoebe wanted me to hold her ALL DAY LONG yesterday! I'd put her down and she would fall into a heap on the floor in desperation. It's nice to be appreciated.
I have some precious pictures from Brad's iphone to post on the blog, but the computer and the iphone are not on speaking terms so it might be a few more days. I'll be sure to take some pictures today so there will not be a grandparent revolt!
The conference was fabulous. I'm working on a blog post in my head to put all my thoughts in some kind of order and I'll post that as soon as I get it together. It may take me a few days, but I'll be sure to think about it while I'm working on the mound of laundry that I have to do. Thankfully, that does not include any of my children's clothes. My sweet sister-in-law, Paige, who kept the children while I was gone, sent all of their clothes home clean! What a blessing!! Aren't other moms great?! Unfortunately, Brad and I continued to wear clothes so I'm not totally in the clear, but it's not so overwhelming.
It certainly feels great to be home. I was really glad that Phoebe put off her walking until I got home. After that, though, no holes were barred. She started taking multiple steps last night at small group. Of course, she had already taken a step or two, but this was five and six and seven steps in row! Then she started standing up herself and walking. I'm so excited and sad at the same time. It's always exciting to see your child walk for the first time, but I'm already grieving the fact that her "crippled crawl" (she crawls funny...I have a video, but I haven't posted it, yet) is on it's way out. In a week or two, she'll never crawl like that again. One of the girls at small group told Brad last night, "Today she's taking two steps, tomorrow she'll be walking down the aisle." I think that brought Brad up short since he is never one to expend emotional energy on things that you don't have to think about right now. It's both a blessing and curse. But she's right and it makes me tired. At least I can still comfort myself with the fact that Phoebe wanted me to hold her ALL DAY LONG yesterday! I'd put her down and she would fall into a heap on the floor in desperation. It's nice to be appreciated.
I have some precious pictures from Brad's iphone to post on the blog, but the computer and the iphone are not on speaking terms so it might be a few more days. I'll be sure to take some pictures today so there will not be a grandparent revolt!
Monday, April 21, 2008
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