Spending Easter Eve In A Thick Place

If you go to church with me, then you "get" the title (although I might be misinterpreting the sermon from a few weeks ago because I didn't actually listen to it online like I was supposed to, but I have a *really* good excuse!). If not then just know it's a place or a time in your life when you're feeling distant from God. It's the eve of Easter and I'm sad to say that other than dying a few eggs, we have done nothing as a family to celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus. (And I would say that dyeing eggs is a far cry from anything celebrating the real meaning of Easter, but we did have some good family time so we're throwing it in there anyway.)

In my defense, it's been a heck of a week! Brad had a meeting all Monday night, and Tuesday he had to spend some major time on the phone putting out a work fire. Wednesday afternoon he got a call from his sis-in-law telling him that his grandad had been admitted to the hospital in Lubbock after a routine follow-up appointment for what is most likely nothing close to routine. We decided that the best place for him to be was there with his mom and grandad. He didn't get home till late Friday night. Phoebe started running a fever Wednesday afternoon (because she always does when Brad goes out of town) and then there was all the other day-to-day drama with two kids and life. So let me just say that after reading Facebook (it does have redeeming qualities!), I am convicted of the fact that I didn't remember Christ or all that He has done or share that with my children in any fashion. Not. Even. Once. And there is absolutely no excuse for not loving the Lord with all of my heart, soul, mind, and strength every single minute of every single day and that love not changing how I treat the world and those I am called to love.

Truth be told, this "thick place" is more a "thick period" in my life and I have no idea what to do about it. Some people hear God speak to them. I don't. Some people physically feel His love. I don't. Some people have a time or a place where they feel close to Him. I don't. Is this my fault? Of course. Am I longing for something more? Of course. Do I have any idea how to get there? Not so much.

While I was feeling the lack of depth or whatever you'd like to call it, I was goofing around on the Internet (of course I see the correlation between the two, but we're not discussing that issue at the moment). I came across a friend's blog post that I had read before, but tonight it struck a different chord. I think I'm going to print it off and pray it every day for a while in hopes that some way, somehow my thick place will get a little thinner. Another friend said recently that praying the prayers of past disciples is something you can do when you when you feel distant and discouraged. Like an infant copies the words and sounds from their parents and grandparents and siblings, we can emulate those that have gone before and in this way learn to use our own words. Thanks for posting, Brittyne. I hope you don't mind me re-posting! (And I totally "get" that's what Lent is all about, but apparently, I'm a slow learner!)

Litany of Penitence

Most holy and merciful Father:
We confess to you and to one another,
and to the whole communion of saints
in heaven and on earth,
that we have sinned by our own fault
in thought, word, and deed;
by what we have done, and by what we have left undone.

We have not loved you with our whole heart, and mind, and strength. We have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We have not forgiven others, as we have been forgiven.

Have mercy on us, Lord.

We have been deaf to your call to serve, as Christ served us. We have not been true to the mind of Christ. We have grieved your Holy Spirit.

Have mercy on us, Lord.

We confess to you, Lord, all our past unfaithfulness: the pride, hypocrisy, and impatience of our lives,

We confess to you, Lord.

Our self-indulgent appetites and ways, and our exploitation of other people,

We confess to you, Lord.

Our anger at our own frustration, and our envy of those more fortunate than ourselves,

We confess to you, Lord.

Our intemperate love of worldly goods and comforts, and our dishonesty in daily life and work,

We confess to you, Lord.

Our negligence in prayer and worship, and our failure to commend the faith that is in us,

We confess to you, Lord.

Accept our repentance, Lord, for the wrongs we have done: for our blindness to human need and suffering, and our indifference to injustice and cruelty,

Accept our repentance, Lord.

For all false judgments, for uncharitable thoughts toward our neighbors, and for our prejudice and contempt toward those who differ from us,

Accept our repentance, Lord.

For our waste and pollution of your creation, and our lack of concern for those who come after us,

Accept our repentance, Lord.

Restore us, good Lord, and let your anger depart from us;

Favorably hear us, for your mercy is great.

Accomplish in us the work of your salvation,

That we may show forth your glory in the world.

By the cross and passion of your Son our Lord,

Bring us with all your saints to the joy of his resurrection.