A Sureal Anniversary

Brad here.

Well, today has been a surreal day for the McCalls. March 7th marks the one year anniversary of when Jordan was diagnosed with caner (technically it was the third time but first time in 8 years). In fact, just like a year ago, my parents are here in Amarillo visiting. Last year it was to see our brand new precious little Phoebe. Last night we joked about these ironies and made Jordan vow to sleep the entire night without any "fireworks" like we experienced last year. Tonight about 5:30 p.m. Jordan looked at me and said, "last year this time I was in the ICU at Dallas Presby." We embraced and said nothing. We both knew what each was and had been thinking all day. See, last March 7th would rank on my list of one the worst days of my life. In fact, the only other day that would compete would be November 13, 1999....the other day in my life when I had to rush Jordan to an ER and was told that she had a bleeding tumor in her abdomen. Honestly, last year was worse. Worse for many reasons. Phoebe had just arrived 6 days earlier after a lengthy struggle to conceive that tested our faith and we were so happy; We were enjoying the euphoria that follows being parents. I had just interviewed for a new job the night we brought Phoebe home from the hospital...a job I now work at but yet at the time was materializing after years of work and prayer; However, the biggest reason is that this was the first time for me that my WIFE (as opposed to fiance) was diagnosed with cancer and most importantly this was the first time that I had to experience the feeling of knowing that you hadn't "beaten" the cancer after all. See, in 1999 I was a newbie because I wasn't in Jordan's life in 1989 when she was first diagnosed with cancer. Yes, I knew she had had cancer before, but knowing and experiencing are two different things. Thus, in 1999 I didn't have to struggle with having my hopes that Jordan's cancer was cured dashed. Now, I know what her family must have felt then. It is this hope in remission or a cure that Jordan and I had clung to for 8 years as we began our lives together and experienced all our firsts (house, children, careers, etc.). Many hours and tears during those years had been spent asking openly and silently the "what if" questions of what would happen or be Jordan's prognosis if the cancer came back.

So, as I recall March 7, 2007, and the sinking scared feeling I felt in the early morning hours when Dr. Smith told Jordan and me that she a had a tumor the size of a softball on her liver that was bleeding and many others in various other parts of her liver and lung, I cannot help but recall the fear I was experiencing. It was as though all of my worse "what if" questions were coming true....and true much sooner than I had ever expected. Moreover, this diagnosis proved Jordan to be prophetic and me simply to be a bumbling husband who didn't want to face the facts. Yet, I don't know if I would do it any differently now because as a spouse of someone who has or had cancer, you cannot waiver in your faith and hope that your partner in life will be healed. To do otherwise would be weak and unsupportive.

Anyhow, honestly I didn't sit down at the computer tonight to get all deep but rather to simply mark time with a post. Many of you have been reading along with our story for almost a year now (we started this blog a year from tomorrow) while others possibly have just recently started lurking. Thus, for some I am sure they will find this anniversary date to be a victory statement showing that God answers prayers, he is faithful, and loves and gives abundant life to his disciples. There is no greater evidence of this than reading the first month of this blog and reading our entries a year later to see the stark contrasts in the events our lives. Yes, Jordan is still living with cancer and on chemo, but we are living! In fact, we closed on a loan this afternoon to build our dream home... a home that we have been preparing for for over 5 years. If that doesn't make you want to live for the future, I don't know what else would (okay, I am sure many other things are but right now I am excited).

So, to close this post I say THANK YOU to each of you who have shared our journey this past year and who continue to read our story and pray for us. Knowing that we are not alone but in the thoughts of many over this year has given us many an hour of entertainment and many happy thoughts.