A Ballerina Party: Phoebe's 6th Birthday

It's still a little surreal to think that Phoebe is six already! And has been for a little over two months!

Seriously. Just where does the time go?

We celebrated with a ballerina party this year. That girl is all about the dancing. She has music in her soul, I think. Lots of little girls do, I imagine, but of course I think my baby girl is more whimsical and sparkly than any of the others. The rose-colored glasses of motherhood, I guess. A ballerina party seemed practically perfect in every way!

Other than making these bad boys as party favors, it was a fairly simple birthday party to put together. I mostly had decorations, food, and party favors to assemble and the party was then handed over to our very own ballerina super-star to teach a little ballet dance that the girls performed. It was awesome! Everything at this party was pale (ballerina) pink. So soft and floaty and pretty. 

I was a little proud of the cake I made, I have to admit. I ordered the cake topper and ballerinas from ETSY, but the cake I made myself. 

Bailee, our super-star ballerina. Like for reals. She's had some major roles in several Lone Star Ballet productions...and she's awesome! She came to teach the little girls a special ballet in full ballerina costume while running fever from a severe kidney infection we didn't know she had! We are beyond blessed to know this gal.

I printed some coloring pages for the girls to color while we were waiting for everyone to get there. Here's the lesson I learned: each little girl needs at least three coloring pages each! I did not print enough. Sigh.

Sweet girls.

After a bit, Bailee took the "ballerinas" upstairs to teach them a dance. This was the big activity of the party. The photos are so-so since my lighting up there is mediocre.

The birthday girl and her cake...which she L-O-V-E-D! All the photos of blowing out candles were way to dark and fuzzy (grrrr) so this is the only good one I got.

Phoebe and Ellie in their "glasses". You know, because sometimes you just need some glasses.  And a tiara.

Bryan, D'Lynn, Bailee, and Phoebe. Blessed by everyone in the photo!

A family photo. Thank you, Eli.

Phoebe's Ballerina Party was really fun. 

Pink and soft and precious and fun...just like my baby girl!

Ten on Ten: April 2013

Wednesday was April 10th...and I'm just now getting around to posting my TEN ON TEN photos! Actually there's nine because I forgot to do the last one. Oops.

Here's my attempt at finding the beauty in everyday by taking a photo at ten after the hour for ten hours. I usually feel so uninspired since the other participants (you can find them HERE) are so much better. Having an "eye" for beautiful photography is one of those gifts I really wish I had. I usually don't spend much time bemoaning the things I'm not necessarily good at (like singing or public speaking), but having an "eye" for photography is one I do sometimes find myself wishing I had. Sigh.

Enough with the pity party. Thanks for viewing my photos! :)

Time To Open The Door

So it's been almost six weeks since I posted here in this little space. Partly because I wasn't feeling it. Partly because I felt I needed the space. Partly because my words wouldn't come. And then partly because I just plain didn't know how to start again.

I kept thinking I would come back with an insightful, inspiring post about where I was and what I was feeling, but it would just never materialize. Then it became this big, giant thing hanging over my head. Then I just needed to get some words out there. Any words. The good ones will come later (I hope), but right now I'm just opening the door on this shut-up space. Letting the light in. Can't you just see the dust floating in the recently stirred air?

'Cause I can. And it's showing me the photos of these two Valentine cuties. :)

I had seen some t-shirts like these on Pinterest and asked Eli if he'd wear something like that. He said he would so I whipped those tees up lickety-split...you know, before he could change his mind. 

I'm pretty sure he was wearing the shirt  as a joke, but I'll take what I can get. 

 

Kindergarten Career Parade

Ever since Phoebe was an itty-bitty girl, she has loved going to the Beauty Salon with me. (Does anyone else find it weird to call it a "Beauty Salon"? It sounds odd to me, but I can't find a good alternative. Beauty Parlor? Hair Place? I'm open to suggestions.) 

For the most part, it's been a good thing. There was that one time she broke a table, but I think we've been forgiven. She likes to watch Ms. Shana put the foil in and do the cut, but she really likes to watch her wax my eyebrows. I'm pretty sure that's why, for the last year or so, she's been telling me that she wants to be a "Hair Fixer" when she grows up. 

It's nice to have a plan.

It came in handy last month at Kindergarten Career Day. (Remember ELI'S?) Phoebe's was the same, except that she wanted to be a "Hair Fixer" and wanted to go with me to borrow the "special apron" that she needed. Sorry the photo is blurry. I took it on my phone and didn't realize how bad it was till I downloaded it to post. 

This was the morning of the "parade". We went all out on the props, too. I found a curling iron at Goodwill for $2 so I bought it and cut the cord off so she could carry it in the handy-dandy pockets. There's also a comb and a water bottle. 

And don't let that sweet face fool you. She pitched a wall-eyed fit that morning because I was making her eat cinnamon rolls for breakfast. Cinnamon rolls! Sheesh.

This time, the kindergarteners themselves stated what they wanted to be when they grew up. I was so proud of my baby girl. She stood up on stage in front of 400+ elementary students, 100+ teachers and staff, and just as many parents there to watch their own babies and talked into that microphone clear and sweet despite the fact that her apron had come untied and it was stressing her out a bit.

So proud of that girl! 

Words

I've sat down a hundred times in the last month to post something new and a hundred times I've left my computer without posting.

It wasn't intentional. It wasn't planned. It made me worried, to be honest, this lack of words. 

But the words just won't come.

Even now, as I struggle to tell you where I've been, my brain feels muddled. Almost as if I can see the words skittering just past my field of vision, but no matter how I try and strain, they remain elusive. Like the smoke from just burned out birthday candles. 

And it isn't just the words for this blog, either. I find myself unable to give words to those I love. Unable to articulate any thought past the right now and the immediate. Am I losing my mind? Am I just lonely? Have I become so lost that I won't be able to find myself again? How does one even begin the finding? How does one remember to speak when the tongue has been silent so long? 

But I'm going to try. The words will be rusty, I'm sure. Hoarse. Dry. I need to express myself in this medium. My children will need to see themselves someday through my eyes and experiences. I want to give them that, at least. 

So bear with me as I find my "voice" again. Keep visiting this little bit of cyber space before you flit on over to Facebook. I'll try to keep writing something before I flit on over there myself.  Maybe with a little patience and a lot of perseverance, the words will come again. 

"Words are but pictures of our thoughts." --John Dryden

Christmas Photos: Part 2

I found this little poem somewhere awhile back and I thought it just suited the time we spend with my family over the holidays.

Christmas Time

Christmas time for boys and girls

Is a happy day,

For we go to grandmamma's

And eat and sing and play.

Grandma does not say to us—

"Stop that horrid noise,"

'Cause she understands we can't,

When we're "only boys."

And she lets the girls play house,

In the garret old,

And when they strew things around,

Grandma doesn't scold.

But we ought to pick them up,

Even on Christmas day,

For we shouldn't make kind friends

Trouble with our play.

Yes, we love the Christmas time

Best of all the year,

We have waited for it long,

Now, at last, it's here.

-- M.N.B.

Well, maybe except for the picking up part. These little ones aren't so good at that yet. :)

We headed east to my parents' house after I recovered from the stomach bug everyone else caught on Christmas Day (but, luckily, before Phoebe got it). It was a nice, laid-back weekend. With all those little ones, we didn't head out and "do" much. We just enjoyed each other and took it easy. 

It was fun.

This photo just makes me laugh. Isaac is a nut. He got this football helmet from my parents and I don't think he took it off much the entire weekend.

The whole motley crew. I didn't take one single photo of the adults this trip. Oh well. The kiddos are cuter anyway.

Doesn't it look like they are planning something fun?!

My mom made matching smocked dresses for the girls so we just *had* to have a photo shoot! As you can imagine with two wiggly girls, I didn't get too many great ones. You get the idea, though.

This was as much as a good idea as it looks. After these photos were taken, the boys headed outside to roll down the sidewalk until it ends in a empty lot. My parents house is at the top of a hill. Eli lost both boys at one time or another. Sheesh.

Also, you see that sweater Eli is wearing? It was my brother, Ben's, and he gave it to Eli because he doesn't wear it anymore. Eli loved it so much because his idol had given it to him and because it was "cool" that he wore it the entire weekend. He did let me put it in his closet when we got home so he could grow into it. But he still wears it often around the house. :)

And these are just some darn cute little girls. 

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

-- Bobby, age 7

Christmas Photos: Part 1

Y'all remember my LAST POST? Still trying to find my voice out here on the prairie. 

It'll come...

I hope. In the meantime, I'm posting my Christmas photos in two parts. This is Part 1. We spent the first part of our break with Brad's family in New Mexico.

This was Sunday before Christmas and we were all heading off to church in our Christmas finest. 

Grandma with some of her grandkids. My two and Tanner, Brayden, and Brooklyn.

Phoebe and Brooklyn were as thick as thieves this Christmas. It was so much fun!

Tanner, Eli, and Brayden

This is the only family photo we took this Christmas. My sister is so good about taking family photos and I have got to get better! (Even if I hate to see myself in photos!)

Brad and his mom. Sorry it's blurry. 

On Christmas Eve Day (oh, you know that's what it's called!), most of us went bowling. It's a sort of McCall Family Tradition. Lots of fun, but it's probably good I'm not a very competitive bowler.

Eli, Tanner, and Caleb

This year Phoebe decided she needed some tips from her Dad.

I think it worked out well for them both. :)

Sorry about the lighting...it's always wonky in the bowling alley. But it's a fun shot of our other little bowler.

Conner, Caleb, Tanner, and Eli

"The Girls" Phoebe, Kailee, Morgan, and Brooklyn

Brayden and Conner

Paige and Brent

Morgan, Kirsten, and Caleb

That night before we put everyone to bed, the two little girls decided it was time to ham it up. Things were starting to go downhill at this point since Kailey and Brent were already coming down with The Christmas Bug.

Seriously. These girls are a hoot!

Paige and I told them to act like they were going to eat Santa's cookies. Here's what we got.

Sheesh.

Then one of the cookies broke. How I wish I had gotten their expressions (and Brooklyn's quick bite) on camera! I didn't, but we were rolling!

Christmas morning was when everyone got sick. I only took 2 photos on Christmas Day due to the very un-festiveness of the day. Half the crowd was sick. This is all the kids that were staying at the grandparents' house before running down to see Santa's loot.

This was the stocking cap in Eli's stocking. I have had more fun with this gift...so has Eli!

We got outta Dodge pretty quick the day after Christmas since Brad was feeling better. It didn't stop the rest of us from getting sick, but at least it got us home before I was sick. 

I promise to post the rest of my Christmas photos before the end of January! 

Where I've Been

You're probably wondering where I've been the last month.

Well, I'm not real sure, to be honest. 

Christmas came at me so fast and so furious it seemed I was sitting on the front of a runaway train speeding down the tracks toward Christmas faster than I could breath or get myself together. I was room mom for both kids classes and that week before holiday break I was in party mode. I had something planned for each and every second of each and every day. It was crazy.Then we left the next Saturday for Brad's parents house for Christmas. That's where most of his family got a nasty tummy bug on Christmas Day. His mom and I were the only adults not sick and about half the kids were down. It was pretty un-festive. We left the day after Christmas to head home for a few days before driving to Dallas to spend Christmas with my family. That's when I got sick. We spent the weekend with my family celebrating and headed back Monday. That's when Phoebe got sick. She seemed to have a lighter case (thank heavens) and we were still able to head back to New Mexico so Brad and Eli could go skiing in Taos. Phoebe had planned on skiing, but then wimped out when she got super cold and the runs were harder than last year's at Angel Fire over Spring Break. We came home Sunday and the kids started back to school on Monday. 

And I fell apart. 

I always get a little depressed after Christmas. You plan and bake and party and shop and wrap and clean your way through the season, and then it's over. And you're left with a sad "back-to-normal" mentality and decorations to put up. 

This year seemed especially hard. I couldn't pull myself out of the fog of melancholy I woke up in every morning. I didn't want to do laundry or go to the grocery store. I didn't want to unpack or clean. house. I didn't want to do all the little things it takes to get children up and away to school and then ready to do it all again when they get home. I just wanted to curl up in my bed and ignore the world for a time. All my daily responsibilities, all the things I'd failed to do this Christmas (our annual Christmas cookie decorating, our caroling party, the tardiness of my Christmas cards), all my Christmas decorations still staring me in the face even though it was well into the new year felt like a thousand little weights. Weights that by themselves weren't all that heavy, but all piled up together felt like a cloak lined with lead I wore all the time. I couldn't shake it off. Everyday I woke up with high hopes. I'd get the kids off to school and get a shower and things would go downhill from there. By the end of each evening, I was a mess. Overwhelmed by life, guilty because I felt like I was letting everyone down, and hurt that I couldn't change it. 

Things are better now. The "drowning" feeling steals creeps up on me every once in a while and I feel so sad I want to go away and hide. I got a (much overdo) B-12 shot last week so my fatigue isn't quite as debilitating. I still want to crawl into a hole and hibernate for a good long while, but I can fight that urge...mostly. 

During all this, I kept wondering about my little blog. I wondered if I'd ever want to blog again. I wondered if I'd ever find my words again. I wondered if anyone cared that I wasn't posting. I wondered what would happen if I just never posted again. But I wasn't ready for that. I'm not ready to let this little space die. It's the place where I write about my family. It's the place I write about my journey as a wife and mom and person. I hope to continue to do so. I hope that I want to even if no one else is still reading except my husband. I hope that I can be more open and transparent in the next year with what I'm feeling and thinking. And I hope that you'll keep wanting to read. Because I'm vain like that, I guess.  Plus, I still have Christmas photos I need to edit and post.

So I guess that's where I've been. Both literally and figuratively. It wasn't a great trip, but I feel certain that by posting this I'll realize that so many others have been in the same hard place thinking the same hard things.  I think that's the real key in this life-journey...just knowing that you're not alone or crazy or  as invisible as you think you are.