30 Days of Thankful: Day 15 & 16

Sooo, my mom texted me today and told me she knew I was busy because I hadn't posted since Wednesday. On the one hand, I hate being behind (again!), but on the other, I still have one reader left!

Bright side, folks. Bright side. 

I'll be spending the next few days catching up (if it kills me!), but I don't want too post too much on one day. Partly because I want each thing I'm thankful for to have its due, but also because that would take a super duper long time to write. I should be caught up by Thanksgiving. :)

Day 15 & 16

I am thankful for these children. And not just because they are my children or because I have children, but for these individual children.

I am thankful for Eli. Parenting him has been a hard road. Anyone who's read this blog for long knows this. My aim here is to be real and raw and most of my most real and most raw moments come when parenting this boy. On the whole, parenting him has not been "a joy" as I hear some parents describe the experience with their own children. Parenting him is hard. And not in a parenting-is-the-hardest-job-ever kind of way. It's been on of the major spiritual, physical, and emotional battlefields I've ever walked through. It's harder than surviving cancer and infertility and living so far from family. While in the midst of an especially hard "battle", I still find myself asking God why. Why does he have to have ADD and dyslexia? Why did God create him so stubborn? Why does he fight everything? But these are my weak and selfish moments. The moments I am least proud of. The moments where I wish parenting Eli weren't my ministry...because that is what it has become. Two different women in the last two weeks have come to me to talk about their fears that their son might be ADD and/or dyslexic and I realize that God is using my hard days to bless others. It's at these times I wish God wanted my ministry to be the one of the harried mom of four who oozes faith and patience and shows others how to live a life not sweating the small stuff. But I've got Eli and so many "hard days" they are more the norm than the easy ones. Yet even on those hard days, Eli is a wonder to behold and I love him with a fierceness and protectiveness that only comes from being in the trenches with someone on that battlefield. He can drive me crazy like no one else, but the wonderful things about him are beautiful. I love that he is always moving. He loves to ride his bike and play catch and wrestle. He is rough and tumble and it's as if he's at his best when he has time to move in a big way every day. I love his razor sharp focus when he is trying to accomplish something...it cannot be turned off. I love that he is kind to everyone. Oh sure, he can pester the hind legs off a donkey, but he is never intentionally mean-spirited. I love that he is loyal and loving. 

I am thankful for Phoebe. She helps me remember that it's the small, tender moments that turn a mommy's heart to mush. In so many ways, she is "easier" to parent than Eli. Having her made me realize that parenting can be a joy. She's no saint, by any means, but she is the softer side of parenting. I don't love her more than I love Eli, but it's a different kind of love. I love that she has a sparkle about her that radiates out to everyone around her. I love that she has a heart for helping others. We put up our Christmas this weekend and she was there beside me all day. She's my helper-girl. I love that music speaks to her and she expresses what she hears through dance...even if we're checking out at the grocery store. I love that she idolizes her brother. I love her spunk and her spirit and her sass. 

These are my babies. I am thankful for who they are...for better or for worse.