Holland

I first read this article when I was in college. My amazing early childhood professor, Dana Hood, had us read it as we were studying about children with special needs. I have thought of it often because I think it describes not just having a child with special needs, but life in general. No one's life turns out exactly the way they had imagined or planned. Life is harder, and harsher, and disillusioned, and filled with broken dreams. We spend most of our time reconciling ourselves to the life we have and trying to open our eyes to the blessings that never would have been had we actually lived the life we had dreamed. I've often wished I had saved that article. Well, my mom emailed it to me yesterday! Email is a wonderful thing.


WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.


This week has been particularly hard. I am bone-tired. I'm sure it has something to do with rebuilding my strength after a busy holiday, but it's very frustrating. My house is a mess, my laundry is everywhere, my Christmas is still up, my dishwasher if full of clean dishes while the sink is full of dirty ones, my children's days are slipping away so fast and I don't have the energy to play with them, my friendships are withering because I don't want to call anybody or see anyone...you get the picture. I'm just having a hard time focusing on the fact that I have arrived in Holland instead of going to Italy. The article was a good reminder to STOP DOING THAT!! So, I am drinking my second cup of coffee and I am willing myself to at least put all the laundry in laundry baskets. It may not actually do anything, but maybe it will make me feel better about myself. Oh, and there is also the fact that Girl Scout cookies are going on sale tomorrow! See, there are always things to look forward to.